Family Moment Monday

Motherhood for Dummies sponsors a Family Moment Monday.  Check it out.

My topic for this Monday is about getting teens to hang out at your house instead of somewhere else.  There are several advantages to having all your teens' friends at your house instead of at someone else's.  First, you know where your kids are.  They're downstairs!  You know what they're doing.  And you get to set the rules.  You also get to know the friends better.  A new person is introduced to you and you're able to look them straight in the eyes to see if they're the transparent kind of kid or an iffy one.  You can ask do I know your mother?  You're from our church, aren't you?  Oh no?  Which grade school did you go to?   You get the picture.  You don't have to worry about what time your child will be home.  He's already home!

OK.  So how do you make your house a teen magnet?  First, let me tell you that I don't know if this will always work.  But I have three teenagers now and two former teens (now in their twenties).  And it's worked pretty well for us.  Here's what we did, not necessarily in order of importance.  We've had lots and lots of teens hang out in our home and I think these are the reasons why.

1.  We bought a NICE TV.  The current one is a high definition flat screen that we have mounted on the wall to maximize seating in what is a rather small room.  The guys really like high definition for sports.

2.  We have a trampoline in our yard which we allow big kids to jump on even in the dark, as long as they're not too loud for the neighbors.  It does have a net around it so no one can fall off.  (I know trampolines can be rather dangerous, but not as risky as driving around with a teen driver, right?) I think a nice volleyball court or room for frisbee would be great too, but our yard is not so big.  Pool table?  Ping pong?

3.  We have a game size table in our family room that I try to keep clear and with chairs.   Sometimes they play cards here.

4.  This might be the most important one.  We allow our teens to invite friends over anytime they know my husband or I am home.  That is the only limitation.   A parent must be home.  (Oh, except that there cannot be just one girl and one boy. Must be a group.)  We do not require any advance warning.  They can just show up at the door.  They love this.   Teens do not like to plan ahead.  Ours is the house they can just show up at.

5.  We say hello to everybody and then make ourselves scarce.  I try to avoid the room they're in although I am occasionally listening.  I think they all feel a little more comfortable if they don't think we're watching them all the time.  They like they're independence.  You know.  They're teens.  Oh, and they may only watch decent movies on TV.  If I ask, I get a whole chorus of who has already seen it, and which parents think it's OK.  Enough information to discern.  But I don't actually think I've ever had to say no.

6.  I don't usually feed them, unless I have something available.  Well, popcorn is always available.  Then I tell my child.  We have popcorn.  There's pop in the garage you can offer your friends.  You can offer your friends the rest of that birthday cake.  They love anything we give them.  But if my child gets it instead of me, they have more of a feel of being on their own.  (an illusion, mind you, but illusions work great for them.  They know they're minors.  They'll take any feeling of independence they can get.)  The other day I did make them smoothies because I had some ripe bananas I wanted to get rid of.  But I think they felt so pampered they didn't even care  that I kept coming into the room.  The point is they don't expect to be fed and I don't feel I need to feed them.  If I did, I wouldn't be comfortable with the drop-in anytime policy. 

7.  I keep reminding my kids.  "Your friends can come over here, you know.  Maybe you could all watch the game here.  I haven't seen_____ in a long time.  Why don't you guys come over here."

8.  I'm genuinely happy to have the teens in my house.  My kids can see I'm happy.  And while it's hard for us parents to believe sometimes, teens really do want to make their parents happy.

So... for what it's worth.  We've had a lot of teens at our house over the years.  And our kids' friends seem to like us a lot.  I think our teens like that.   It helps to keep our family, our house, and our values an important part of their lives.