Amy Caroline has raised the question of why we don't hold hands during the Our Father.
My pastor has made it very clear to us that holding hands during the Our Father is not in the rubrics of the Mass and therefore should not be done. The Mass belongs to the Church and no one may add or subtract from it. OK. I think this has become an issue because there are many parishes where holding hands is done by the entire congregation as though it were a part of the Mass, and even some parishes where the faithful have been instructed to hold hands.
I understand that this practice is not in the rubrics and therefore should not be done. But what to do when you are at a parish where everyone holds hands?
I hold hands. It seems to me that during Mass is not the time to explain that this practice is not in the rubrics and to just refuse to hold hands is not very charitable. Even to explain during or after the Mass could really come across as a "holier than thou" attitude. The people doing the hand-holding are not trying to defy Church authority and isn't it the responsibility of the presider or the pastor to instruct the congregation on the rubrics?
If he doesn't, is it my responsibility? I don't think so. I prefer to err on the side of charity than to risk being guilty of legalism.
Am I wrong?
11 comments:
I have the same problem knowing what to do when we attend Mass at a place that doesn't kneel.
The right answer is probably that you go along with whatever is going on where you are a guest. Know the GIRM. If there's something optional or something that can change with a parish/diocese, it's probably best to go with the flow.
Of course, if a nun steps forward to say the words of consecration, you should probably run as fast as you can. . . :-)
Our family does not hold hands. At our parish some do and some don't, so we don't look like we're being "too good". If everyone in the parish does it, that would be tougher.
Most people at my parish hold hands, although my family does not. (There is a small contingent of those of us who are aware of the rubrics, and it's growing.) We always clasp our hands in prayer in front of us, close our eyes, and bow our heads. (That way we simply don't see our neighbor's hand.) I think that's a pretty good signal in case the person next to us holds out his or her hand.
Last summer at a family reunion with my siblings, we attended Mass at our childhood parish. It came time for the Lord's Prayer, and I clasped my hands as desribed above. My sister actually HIT me during the prayer for not taking her hand.
Unfortunately the topic of conversation the rest of the reunion weekend was about how uncharitable I am and that "the Our Father is the best part of the Mass because we all get to hold hands!" (where's an eye rolling smiley when you need one?)
I tried to CHARITABLY explain the rubrics, and that the focus of the Mass is on the Word and the Holy Eucharist (not community), but my explanation fell on deaf ears.
As far as kneeling during the Eucharistic Prayer, I always kneel (unless there is no kneeler present).
Over the last 23 years we have moved all over the country with the Air Force. Every parish has been a hand holding parish. Some have been the "across the aisle twisting around to the next pew" kind of hand holding.Now in our most current parish what we see is hand holding among family groups but not among the entire congregation. When I am at daily Mass without my family I always pray with hands clasped in front of me. I am comfortable with this very discreet hand holding among family members though I know it doesn't conform to the letter of the rubrics. I just would hate to fuss about a parent and child sharing a special moment in prayer and would never refuse my hand to one of children even though they are in their teens.
I generally don't hold hands, no matter where I am or what the rest of the congregation is doing, because I find it very distracting. I will stand during the Eucharistic prayer if that is the practice of the congregation I'm in, but only because I tend to kneel and stand when everyoone else is and don't always notice if the practice is different. I also receive on the tongue no matter where I am, because that is a practice that helps remind me of Who I am receiving and reminds me to have respect for the person and role of the priest.
These all used to be really worrying issues for me, but at some point I realised that all that I am ultimately responsible for is my own conscience. If I'm tempted to be standoffish or snobbish about my 'liturgical correctness', then maybe I should hold hands and go with local custom (when it doesn't involve major abuses). If I'm tempted to forgo what God and the church asks from me simply because I am embarrassed, then I should definately stick to the rubrics and pray for deliverance from my self-conciousness. My rightness before God and intent to honor Him is paramount.
While we don't have the hand holding tradition, we do have a part of the Liturgy where the kiss of peace is exchanged - but some parishes do it and some don't.
For me, it's a "Do as in Rome" kind of thing, so I'd agree with how you handle it.
Wow, lots of good points. Certainly, run if a nun says the words of conscration...LOL
Our family doesn't hold hands either..course no one in our parish does because of the instruction from our pastor.
Clsping hands forward and eyes closed seems like a good way to handle it, Ruthann
CM, I agree about holding hands between family members, especially if it's just a spontaneous gesture...in that case the rubrics might not matter. Just something a family felt doing...?
Kate, you're right. one's motivation in deciding what to do is what really matters (as in most things) Excellent points.
Mimi, yeah, when in Rome is usually my thought too..
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments!!
I have to go with the "when in Rome" mentality at least with this topic. Our family never held hands unless specifically instructed to by the priest, which did happen on rare occasions. We moved and the new congregation always holds hands. One priest instructs us to "cross the aisles and reach out" to make sure that we're all one big attached community. My husband and I debated, and I really felt it would be rude of my children (our oldest is only 8)to decline holding hands with an adult who was reaching for it, especially given the priest's instructions. Personally, I'm always privately happy when my hands are occupied holding a squirming baby or toddler...but even then I have people who feel it necessary to hold my shoulder!
I think the worst thing about this whole situation is that, knowing we're not supposed to hold hands, every Sunday I am distracted during the Our Father by these actions. Even if I personally did not hold hands, I would be distracted by my stand against the practice. I don't care what the family in front of me is doing - their personal group actions are not nearly as distracting as wondering if the guy next to me is expecting me to somehow juggle the baby and hold his hand too.
Michelle, I've had the same experience in the past, while holding a baby-- shoulder, elbow...But if I were in a parish where the priest instructed everyone to hold hands I would do it too. I don't know if this is theologically or liturgically correct, but it seems like the sheep should follow the shepherd.(Unless, of course, it is a matter of faith and morals and we know he is misleading, or... I would also draw the line at any instruction that I thought showed disrespect for the Eucharist. That would include standing during the Consecration which is, of course. also against the rubrics.
I've found everybody's comments really interesting though. I am especially contemplating Kate's about what is our motivation for holding firm to the rubrics or conforming even against the rubrics. Thanks for your comment. I love blogging with all these kindred spirit, Catholic moms.
Somebody help me with this, please.
First of all, I am a new convert-former Southern Baptist.
In our parish everyone holds hands during the Our Father. I don't ever recall hearing anyone instruct either way on this. There is no contorting or reaching across the aisles or over pews. But most people generally hold hands. I have noticed a few families that don't but I didn't think much of it.
I don't understand why this would be an issue or a problem.
Anytime we pray together in our home, even with guests present, we hold hands. It's just something we've always done.
Is there a short explanation on this because I don't understand why it would be an issue either way.
Thanks! :)
I usually don't hold hands unless the priest says something along the lines of "Now let us join hands and pray the prayer. . ." In some cases it is virtually impossible to not hold the hand of your neighbor without being rude.
Most people I know are very well aware that I don't like holding hands and most even respect that. I would say just be curteous no matter what.
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