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An article in my local paper today talked about expulsions of students from area schools. It focused on the experience of one child ten years old who had started a new school after numerous problems at a previous school. According to the article this boy, after only an hour and a half of school, started swearing and giving the finger to his teacher. At recess this child started a fight with another fourth grader, kicking him in the face. He was expelled.
How such children should be handled in the public school system is a very complex question. And I do feel for this child and his family. There's clearly something wrong. I don't pretend to know what is motivating this child's behavior or what kind of home life he has.
The story does though raise in my mind something that I have observed for some time as a substitute teacher. Some kids have very little self control and very little self discipline. They make teaching very difficult and they greatly interfere with the ability of other students to learn. I know that what I see in a great local Catholic school is nothing compared to what is happening in the public schools. I assume that these children cannot control themselves because their parents have never made them. (I do know this is a simplification and some cases are rather complicated.)
Why are some parents so hesitant to make their children obey? Obedience is a very unpopular concept in our society today. I see parents actually negotiating with defiant children, instead of telling them to do what they are told or accept the consequences.
Today's parents don't seem to think it is their right to make a child do something if the child doesn't want to. I don't understand such thinking. Shall I put it more strongly? I think they're nuts. Parents are supposed to be the ones in charge. Even our laws reflect the judgement that until a child is eighteen he or she does not have the ability to make all of their own decisions. And they indeed do not always know what's best for them!!
I was once part of a coop nursery school where the parent helpers were instructed to avoid using the word "no" or "not." It was too negative. Instead of saying, "Joey, you may not throw the blocks." We were to say, "Joey, you may build things with the blocks." My response was, HE ALREADY KNOWS HE MAY BUILD WITH THE BLOCKS. WHAT HE NEEDS TO KNOW IS THAT HE MAY NOT THROW THEM. This was not an acceptable viewpoint in the nursery school. And let me tell you we had quite a few injuries from kids getting hit with blocks. It seemed so foolish and really quite unfair to the kids. All kids want to know where the limits are. What some parents don't seem to get is that limits start where consequences begin.
I love my children. I do explain to them why they must do certain things and not do others. I let them tell me why they object. I listen to them. They may say whatever they want to me as long as it is said respectfully. Occasionally I change my mind after listening. But they know that the bottom line is that mom and dad make the rules and they must follow. They also know that if they look at us and say, "Make me," we will. I think setting limits enforced with consequences is an essential element of good parenting.
She's half little girl, half teenager, if you know what I mean.
My daughter has a great 3o second video that really captures the excitement in the car as this thing drove by, but as yet I have not been able to load it.
Chautauqua is a beautiful place. Here are some pictures to give you an idea of what it's like. Cars have very limited access. It's right on beautiful Lake Chautauqua. And the music is phenomenal.
They call these little cottage-like buildings the "practice shacks." Each one contains nothing but a new Steinway grand piano. Of course, they're air conditioned. John has spent a lot of time in these things.
Look at this beautiful flower growing right up between the post and the boardwalk in Florida. Now that's determination. Perhaps a life lesson here?
This is me with my Uncle Bill. He is my mother's brother and the only one left of his birth family. He is also my godfather. He calls me by a sweet nickname which I won't share. His face lights up when he sees me and I know he has loved me since the day I was born. He is of 100% Irish ancestry, a part of my family history which my children know I treasure. He is a lot of fun, as I imagine you can tell from his picture.
Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary.
Happy Birthday to my oldest son (pictured on the left, above) who turned twenty-four today!!!!
Last dinner with Grandma. She took us to a local Italian restaurant.
This is Liz, my youngest, with her dog "Lucky." Lucky is about the sweetest dog in the world. She is so gentle and so attached to her people. Her mother was half Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and half Japanese Chin. Her father was pure Cavalier. Lucky was a gift from Lizzie's godmother three years ago. Her dear godmother owned Lucky's mom.
Lucky for Lucky, she is getting more walks lately as I try to exercise more as part of my weight loss efforts.
I love my MacBook. I mean I LOVE my Macbook!!! There it is pictured above where I was blogging with my daughter in a coffee shop. It has a pink translucent plastic case which makes it look like a little pink computer. How cute is that?
