When I was quite pregnant with precious baby number six, a next-door neighbor of mine drew me into a conversation about world resources, water supply, overpopulation, etc. Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, I assumed that any minute he would realize the inappropriateness of the conversation, given my condition. Instead, it became more and more clear that his choice of topics was intentional and my condition the reason.
I was flabbergasted. I tried to gently tell him that it was my belief that God provided for every baby he brought into the world, that he never gives us a little lamb without also providing a pasture. His response? "You can't use your religion as n excuse for your mistake."
I placed my hands on my bulging belly, all of the mother bear instinct rising hotter and hotter inside me. I no longer tried to be conciliatory. With all of the fiery don't-mess-with-me-for- another-nanosecond look that eyes can convey I told him, "I don't believe that this baby is a mistake. Nor do I believe that any of my other children are mistakes. I believe the world is better for their being here."
He backed down a little saying. "You do have nice kids." (Maybe the sparks from my eyes and the steam from my ears was having an effect.)
I went in the house and cried for two hours. I felt as though the legitimacy, the beauty, and the sanctity of my children's lives had been questioned. I felt wounded and furious.
I have forgiven this man. He didn't know any better. He didn't understand. They moved before the princess was born. I think he must have told his wife about his remarks because she sent me a lovely baby gift. I considered that his amends and sent them photo Christmas cards of all my children for several years. (with no malice, really)
God bless them both.
9 comments:
Part of me really struggles with wanting to "fit in" to this world of ours. So I feel incredibly sensitive when people make comments about how soon Andy and I had Duncan after we were married. I never had a "career" and now I stay at home caring for him. Every little comment against this hurts me a little, but I guess God is just preparing me for the comments that will come when our family gets larger than "normal" (hopefully).
God bless you for your ability to forgive comments like that.
As a doctor, pregnant with my fourth child, you would not believe how many people said, "Surely you know how to stop that from happening!" That fourth child is 12 years old now and a delight to his family and his friends. How sad it would be if I had ever done anything to prevent this beautiful child from coming into the world.
Jodi, you most certainly have a career. There is no career more rewarding than motherhood.
I hope all families with large families realize how very blessed they are. We were blessed with one son through adoption.
Jodi, I remember feeling that way too. Over time it bothered me less and less. As your family gets bigger you get so busy mothering you rarely have time to think about the world's opinion. Try to just enjoy this precious, precious time that will go by so fast. Also, I think your technology blog may eventually really take off giving you a techno outlet while still being home. That would be cool. momtechreview.blogspot.com for those of you who don't know how Jodi might be able to help you.
Catholic mom, how old is that supposedly humorous line? And to a doctor, they still think it's funny. It's actually a demeaning comment to anyone, the implication being you'd have to be stupid to want another baby. It's so sad that people are so ignorant of the blessing each child is.
Esther, you're so right. And may everyone always appreciate each child for the precious gift each one is.
Oddly enough, I have a looking-glass story to tell. When Teddy entered sixth grade as a new student in his previous (Catholic) school, we were one of only a handful of single-child families. So many parents and teachers (well meaning, I am sure) asked how many other children we had, and then were surprised when I said he was an only child.
I am so envious of large families! I am the youngest in a large family, and my husband's family is large.
After we were married we struggled with infertility and miscarriage. Finally after 11 years of marriage God gave us our wonderful son. Unfortunately I was unable to have any more children after his birth.
We would have welcomed all of the myriad children God might have given to us, but we were blessed with only one. But he sure is a good one!
ruthann -
Your story is a good reminder to us 'good catholics' not to judge others, no matter their family size! There is often more to the story...
Ruthann, you sure did get a good one. And I would refer any readers to my post of August 13 (was it?) because one of the very polite kids I was referring to was your own dear son. You know, Ruthann, somehow I knew that you would have welcomed any number of children. I never thought that you had one because that was all you had wanted. I think that's because it's so clear that you have a mother's heart-- that tenderness, that openness. You're doing a great job.
I've heard enough stories from enough women over the years to realize that many many small families (or couples without children) are not the result of choice. I never assume that a family of just a few children is simply because they prefered a new car or a bigger house. Of course, if they confess to me having their tubes tied and "not being able to handle it" with more kids, well, I just feel bad for the kids who have one or no siblings.
Wow. I might have had a hard time not popping that guy in the nose. What nerve to tell a pregnant woman she was irresponsible and that her child was a mistake. And I've had a really hard time not telling my husband why I spent all afternoon crying, because I'm sure he would feel obliged to defend my honor and take sword in hand and demand a duel to first blood or some other such acceptable punishment.
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