OK. On a completely different note from what I usually write about.....I once suffered from an anxiety disorder. For those of you who have never suffered, and I do mean suffer, from anxiety, let me say that I am not talking about being stressed out from normal life circumstances. I am not talking about being temperamentally high strung. I'm talking about ANXIETY. If you've had it, you know it. I'm talking about walking through life feeling like a demon has you by the throat and you have to walk around pretending everything is normal... It's a living hell.I learned that the only way to overcome anxiety, the only way to get better is to be willing to not get better. I know that sounds like it doesn't make any sense. In other words, you must accept that the feelings (which are both emotional AND physical) might never leave and choose to live to the fullest anyway. It is the lack of acceptance, the desire to escape the sensation, that fuels its continuation.
When I consciously, and as an act of will, chose to embrace the anxiety as a sacrificial offering to my God I started to get better. It still took some time. I had to consciously accept repeatedly. But there was an immediate lessening of symptoms that continued until I felt completely normal again.
I am still amazed by this. It is in being willing to have things never change that they will change. It is in losing our life that we gain it. Blessed be God.
